Mouse requests transfer to a less keyboard-oriented household
“I used to move every window. Now I mostly select text.”
A perfectly serviceable mouse has expressed concern about its future after its owner discovered a tiling window manager.
Previously responsible for opening applications, positioning windows, and locating the one terminal hiding behind the browser, the mouse now spends long stretches beside the keyboard doing very little.
A small journey, no longer required
The owner maintains that this is progress. Windows arrange themselves, workspaces keep things separate, and familiar shortcuts bring everything back.
“There used to be a morning routine,” it said. “We would find the browser, drag it a bit to the left, find the terminal, drag that to the right, then resize both because the first attempt was wrong. You build a relationship doing that.”
The new arrangement has reportedly removed most of this work. The windows simply occupy the available space. The mouse describes this as “a suspiciously literal interpretation of window management” and has requested an explanation in writing.
The keyboard declines to comment
A proposal to retain one ceremonial window drag per day was rejected after the owner switched workspaces without looking away from the keyboard. The mouse remained in exactly the place it had been put on Monday. It considers this evidence of neglect, though its feet have never been cleaner.
The keyboard has avoided commenting publicly. Sources close to the space bar say morale is high, while the modifier keys are adjusting to an unexpected increase in responsibility. Caps Lock has asked whether any of this involves it and has not received a satisfactory answer.
There is still work available. Images need editing. Text needs selecting. Some games are apparently easier when the thing that points can point. The mouse insists these are genuine career paths, not consolation duties invented by a sympathetic owner.
“You build a relationship doing that.”
— The mouse, on dragging two windows into roughly the right place
There is still work to be done
A trackpad in a nearby laptop has offered to organise a support group. Early discussions were productive, although the meeting accidentally moved to another workspace when somebody rested an elbow on the keyboard.
The owner has tried to reassure the mouse that keyboard shortcuts are a preference, not a purity test. “I still like you,” they said, reaching for it to click a link. The mouse asked that this interaction be entered into the record.
The mouse has asked to be connected to a computer where closing a window still requires a small journey. Negotiations continue.
From the unofficial complaints desk. This report is fiction; the enthusiasm that inspired it is harder to explain away.